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I even purged all her stuff a time or two. But inevitably the unquenchable need to be Jennifer always came back, and it would come back stronger and quicker each time I tried to deny her.Truth be told, I am glad I attempted to get rid of Jennifer. Because my failure to do so has affirmed that she is who I am and who I was meant to be. The fact that my desire to be a woman would never go away, but had become instinctual helped prove to me that I was never truly a Jeff, but always a Jenn. She wasn’t a fetish or some deviation on being bi or gay, but real flesh and blood femininity. Whenever I was her, I felt right and whole. Whenever I see her in the mirror or a photo, I know she is me.And I am so glad, so very glad, I embraced myself by embracing her. Jennifer started out shy and timid – uncertain of herself and how others saw her. Not quite sure she was attractive or desirable. She began life with a pink and white wardrobe and long skirts which suggested virginal purity but. She said she would like that very much.Over the next two years, we saw each other every six to eight weeks.On one occasion, she told me when she caught me looking at her breasts to ‘have a good look – they will be gone soon!!'My initial horrible thought was that she had breast cancer and was having a mastectomy – why hadn’t she told me? She explained that she was having breast reduction surgery as the pain she experienced in her back and shoulders where her bra straps dug in was beyond a joke. She went from 36FF to 36DD – still a great pair of boobs – much more in keeping with the rest of her frame and she looked happier for it. She stood more upright and looked fantastic and was completely pain free.Sometimes I stayed over at her place – sometimes she stayed in my flat. We laughed and giggled and cried at all the same things and we had some great times. We went on holiday together for a long weekend in Paris and we really were great friends.She always knew that I had other female.
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